Emotions are for...me?

Dumb question I know. Everyone has emotions. Truly though the question is are they socially acceptable to display. Sure there are times when emotions are I think tolerated, even expected, such as at joyous events and sad occasions, but for the most part I think they are looked down upon.

Now this may be my own view of things through glasses of my own making, but it is what I have observed. Emotions also seem to be better tolerated for women then for men. You can correct me if you think I'm wrong. But really, I don't believe I am.

I am aware that about the only emotions I show are anger, and happiness. I tend to cover up all my other emotions with a clever defensive tactic called sarcasm. And while sarcasm can be fun it most often is just a defense tactic.

For me, this inability or unwillingness to show emotions has actually been affirmed in me. Not in such a way as someone said "you not showing emotions is a good thing". That has never been said to me. However, what has been said is I am steady. I am solid. I am stable. And these are good things and I take them as compliments.

But, it comes at a price. Because steady and solid doesn't include things like goofy, sad, depressed or excited. Steady and solid means very even keel. It means you are not emotive. Because lets be honest, emotive people are seen as slightly unstable.

Mind you I don't believe that emotive people are unstable, nor am I advocating that they are unstable. But we like simple and easy. Steady and stable is easy to understand. Emotive people are difficult to understand. And so, rather than understand them, we just label them as unstable.

But, I think my goal has always been to be stable. To be controlled. To be logical, rational and steady. Which means that any of the emotions that don't fit this limited ideal must be squashed and or ignored.

I don't think this is healthy for me. I think that it means that I have to hide a part of myself. I don't think I like hiding anymore. This isn't going to happen overnight. It's going to be uncomfortable. Not just for me, but for those who have gotten to know me.

I don't want to diminish stability. I think you can be stable and express your emotions. The trick is knowing when each is appropriate. Sure, some will more naturally lean towards stable, even keel more non-emotional side of things. And others will lean towards the more emotive side of things. That is just the way God made us.

I just feel that in my attempt to be the more stable, solid, even keel person, I have hidden my emotions. So yes, emotions are for me.